Part 3 of 5: The Men Who Shop for Women — Ignorance
“Almost every single one of those men had no clue that I was being trafficked, that there was a pimp—some were broken, some were grieving, some just wanted somebody to lay next to to feel human again—some were addicts, not to substances or alcohol, but to the chase; the high of the transaction, I wasn’t a person to them.” (Girl, 2025)
In this article, I am highlighting the words of a woman who was trafficked at 19 years old. She does not disclose her name, so unfortunately her citation is simply “Girl”.
There is an old saying that those who don’t study history are doomed to repeat it, and nothing could be truer in cases like these. The times when we are most dangerous is when we are ignorant.
Unfortunately, a lot of these men are stuck in their egos when it comes to prostitution. Many men feel a sense of self inflation, a sort of high, at the prospect of buying a woman. Men may not ever think the word “slave” in their mind because they are effectively renting these women, and so the idea that they are buying a woman as an object does not strike them as slavery because of the temporary nature of the transaction. Slavery in the schema of most people is the buying and selling of a person; ownership is essential. What we are seeing from women out of prostitution is that these men don’t know that ownership is still involved, even though most people are aware of the idea of a pimp from hip-hop culture, because they do not negotiate directly with a pimp unless they are associated with the pimp as drug dealers do (which we will not touch on in this article). To them, women are selling themselves for rent in their minds which is what makes it okay—it seems consensual. This, however, is very rarely the case.
“Many men who frequent prostitutes feel that their activities make them worthy of status and respect. These men don’t fit the convenient stereotype the public has created for johns: sad-sack guys who have to pay for sex because they can’t get girls to f*** them for free. They see themselves as connoisseurs, “hobbyists”—artists, even—sex workers are seen as objects to be bought, not as humans. More often than not, sex workers are not portrayed as skilled workers who provide their customers with a service in exchange for a fee. Rather, they are things—-to be perused, used, and dispensed of by the “hobbyist” who uses them to bolster his monger status. The sex worker herself is seen as the product.” (Hess, 2023)
These men don’t often know what exactly they are doing, and because of the culture around prostitution, many of them don’t care to research further. The objectification of women across the globe is to do with this in part, and the idea that women don’t respect themselves and such, which are important things to talk about but not the focus of this article. The bigger question I would like readers considering now is: Who is the clientele for male prostitution? You might have already guessed that it is not women. When we see male prostitution, “the typical client is a 45-year-old man who is married with children. According to the sex workers who were interviewed, the motive for buying sex is usually to experience intimacy with another man. Sex is not necessarily an important part of the sex worker-client relationship, although it is generally included.” (Lund, 2003) The trouble with intimacy ties back into part one of this article series on masculinity, so I will not dive into that here.
Regardless of why these men are purchasing women, the trouble is the lack of education we have on this topic. After I co-hosted my first club meeting on sex trafficking awareness, several men stayed much past the end of the meeting to express their shock about warning signs of a woman or girl in danger that they never would have even considered to question. Pimps often start out as shitty and controlling “boyfriends” who are much older. Social isolation through guilt and “jealousy” is only just the start. Because we have no awareness on this topic, people who buy people don’t see themselves as benefiting from modern-day slavery. Because prostitution is often seen as a woman “making ends meet” as portrayed in media, buyers are never troubled with having to think about the pimp behind the scenes and are not considering that these women are not taking that money home, but are instead taking that money to a pimp. Educating ourselves on the true nature of prostitution and how these young people fall into the hands of a slaver is the greatest hope we have for these cycles ending. I think (and this is just a guess) that most men would be greatly off-put and no longer satisfied with their purchases if they knew the truth about the invisible chains around the necks of these young people. I call this one an educated guess, because if it were otherwise, pimps would not hide behind the scenes, they would run open brothels and do business up front. The cure for ignorance starts as soon as one begins to learn.
Works Cited
Gril, S. (2025). What I learned about Men, Love and Loneliness while being sex trafficked. YouTube. https://youtu.be/UfBso0Y4ETI?si=qCsrLhvDigUv7jgP
Lund University. (2003, May 12). Male sex workers are often well-educated and middle class, finds researcher. PSYS ORG. https://phys.org/news/2023-05-male-sex-workers-well-educated-middle.html
Hess, A. (2023, July 29). The Secret Prostitution Code, and what it says about Johns. Washington City Paper. https://washingtoncitypaper.com/article/393721/the-secret-prostitution-code-of-johns/